Okay, I've heard of distracted driving before, but this is ridiciulous.
A 36 year old Cincinnati motorist was arrested for masturbating with a vibrator while driving. Apparently she was watching a porno on a laptop computer that the passenger was holding.
I'm going to assume we're all sane people here and can't fathom why she was masturbating while driving, so I'm going to ask the next obvious question.
What the fuck was the passenger doing? If they were sexual partners, you'd think he or she could have "lent a hand" to make things a little easier for the driver. If they weren't sexual partners, then well, shit. I'm just flabbergasted. Apparently the next time I'm offered a ride with someone, I need to understand my duties as a passenger may involve more than just help with the navigation.
Until recently I had no idea who Jan Huokko is (pictured at bottom of full article) or that he even exists. Now thanks to his stolen cell phone featuring a video of the Team Leksand Swedish Hockey player, I know who he is -- as do millions of Internet users from all around the world. Initially, news sites reported that the video featurs the professional hockey player having sex with his girlfriend. Well if it was just that, then I doubt hockey fans would be showering the rink with dildos during a game against Team AIK. In fact, a bunch of them held up a huge sign reading, Bend Over Bitch along with a giant dildo (pictured).
Why, you may ask, then did the opposing team's fans make fun of the thirty-four year old stocky defenseman? Well, Huokko does star in a self-recorded sex video that was indeed found on his stolen cell phone. However, his "girlfriend" wasn't anywhere to be seen in the clip. The blurry video features a nude Huokko using a dildo to pleasure himself anally. Okay, that's a bit taboo, right? But hey to each his own. It's really what he does after the dildo-fucking that has the Swedish hockey boards afire. He takes his hand to his ass and eats his feces. Oh, and we have some pics of it too -- if you can handle it. more >>
My PuSSy is Magic is a tribute to the reason the adult film industry exists. So, here here, to the pleasing power of the magic pussy.
Jessica Delfino is a self-ascribed Dirty Folk Rock Musician, the term "musician" obviously being used very loosely. However, I sing in Rock Band and even I can't beat the power of Delfino's orgasm-inspired howl at 2:25...
Swiss restaurateur, Hans Locher (pictured) of the Storchen in Iberg, wants to add human breast milk to his menu. He came up with the idea while his wife was breast-feeding their newborn daughter some 35 odd years ago. By cooking up her "surplus" breast milk, he discovered that if you add a little whip cream, breast milk makes for some delicious recipes.
So, in the spirit of entrepreneurship, upon noticing that "there are a lot of mothers in my neighborhood", Locher put out an ad for breast milk donors. In fact, he offered to pay ££3 per 14oz of the stuff, or the American equivalent of $6.23 per liquid pound. According to Locher, a couple women have expressed interest in such a transaction. By his calculations, he would need approximately 11 lbs of mother's milk to get the "lactation" menu started. Said menu would include meat stews with meats sauteed in breast milk as well as soups and sauces containing at least 75% breast milk. more >>
For a lot of kids, clowns are pretty terrifying. Even as an adult, they still make me uncomfortable. Teeth and vagina are also disconcerting (vagina dentata). Hence, any guy brave enough to enter this glow-in-the-dark, toothy, grinning clown vagina should get a certificate of recognition, or at least a complimentary glow-in-the-dark condom. more >>
Late in the evening of August 7th, Hong Kong police receive a call for help.
Xing, a 41 year old, has attempted to satisfy himself by sticking his penis into one of the swiss-cheese stamped metal benches at LanTian Park. However, as Xing grows aroused, his dick swells with blood and he can no longer extricate himself from the hole. In his panic, he calls the local authorities. more >>
Jim Henson is either cringing in his grave or wishing he came up with this idea first.
Eighth Wonder, LLC out of Springfield, Pennsylvania is presenting the world with the first "teddy bear" love dolls called Teddy Babes. There are several models of this plush, busty "toy" including blondes, brunettes, redheads, a Latina, an Asian, an Ebony gal, and even a vampire. They stand at just 4 feet tall and weight about 10 pounds, but can withstand about 500 lbs of pressure. Which brings me to the next attribute, per the maker's FAQ:
Q: So, I can have sex with my Teddy Babe love doll?
Yes. Each Teddy Babe love doll has a plush vagina, complete with simulated pubic hair and an ultra-silky plush insert, which we affectionately refer to as "Pussy Velour." The "Pussy Velour" insert provides a silky-smooth and highly-pleasurable sensation. It is held in place by an interior soft, plastic ring, and can be removed from your Teddy Babe's body for easy cleaning with soap and warm water, and then dried, replaced, and used again.
Verne Troyer, made famous by portraying the character of "Mini Me" in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) and Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002), has a "leaked" sex tape with a former live-in girlfriend (pictured). Troyer stands at just 2'8" tall, making him one of the smallest men in the world. In fact, he got his lucky break in Hollywood as a stuntman for the 9-month old baby in Baby's Day Out (1994). Guess CGI wasn't as popular back then?
SugarDVD has offered $100,000 for the tape, which is being brokered by none other than Kevin Blatt, the same guy who brokered the deal with Red Light District for the Paris Hilton sex tape. And according to a poll on TMZ, so far 9% or over 8,000 people claim they would buy the tape. Would you? more >>
When it comes to fine dining with family and friends, and perhaps special guests, what better way to serve them dinner then with the Blighty Creations' China Vagina Collection fine bone china set. So when grandma polishes off her linguine, she will be delighted to see some clam. Granted, not all the collections have such obvious designs as the one pictured from the Golden Pussy Collection. However, that particular collection has the most hilarious description of all:
Our world and societies all revolve around sex: the need for it, denial of it, lust after it, repression, celebration.
The most beautiful place on earth. Forget the seven wonders of the world. Forget Disney world, the Eiffel Tower or the pharaohs tombs. The centre of mankind is the Golden Pussy. The provider of energy, youth, vitality and inspiration. The Golden Pussy is the shrine of worship for all human beings. A new religion yet the oldest religion. A new desire yet the oldest desire. The Golden Pussy.
Yes, what girl doesn't mind a bit of pussy worship now and then... so does that mean we should lick our plates clean? more >>
In Antwerp, Belgium, the wife of a businessman is suing a pair of prostitutes because her husband died from heart failure during electric sex.
Apparently the 38 year-old businessman asked for the electric shock treatment during a session with the two hookers, despite the fact he was fully aware of his own weak heart. The three also drank, took drugs and had more conventional sex. But if you ask me, that's the way to go. more >>
If there's a guy who's definitely not getting laid, it's the one riding the bike with an attached nude mannequin wearing a black wig that ironically reads, "Sex Machine." But lest you think we found some Photoshopped picture, this is a $2,339 (EUR 1,499.00) custom-made "beach cruising" bike according to the German man who attempted to sell his magnum opus on Ebay. Unfortunately, he won't ship so you'll have to go to Bad Oldesloe, Germany to pick one up for those romantic bike rides on the beach. But you're in luck, he got zero bids so maybe it'll go for a steal...
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A 31-year-old Perth man with chronic genital itch was fined £300 (approx. US$600) for growing his own cannabis to relieve the pain. According to his solicitor (attorney), he's had severely itchy balls for at least three years. The fine is considered a slap on the wrist, for apparently the Perth Sheriff court was showing mercy.
Gregor Spalding had tried various prescribed medicines but the only thing that really worked was the cannabis, which he produced in the privacy of his own home in Perthshire. Police accidentally found the seven young, foot-high plants, while searching for his neighbor.
According to a BBC news report:
The court was previously told that Spalding had never been in trouble before and simply wanted to grow his own instead of using drug dealers to buy cannabis. In a letter to court, his doctor said, "He has a fixed belief that he has an underlying condition which has not been diagnosed. I can confirm he has had a chronic pain problem since 2004. He realizes this perhaps wasn't the cleverest thing to do, but in his eyes it was worth a try."
Female drivers in the Portland area should be wary... of a mustachioed man in women's underwear, a garter belt, a camisole and black high-heel boots.
This 5'11, thin build, unidentified Caucasian male has a penchant for cutting off lone female drivers, then jumping out in front of their cars while strutting his stuff. Yup, he's too sexy for road hazards.
There have been six such reports over the past several months, with the women having to swerve to avoid hitting Tootsie.
Cumberland Sheriff Mark Dion says that,
The behavior is not necessarily criminal in terms of dress, but the fact he’s jumping out in roadways and apparently targeting females who are alone driving their cars seems to suggest to us we have to talk to him. The cross-dressing is definitely an item of curiosity, however if he were doing this in a pair of blue jeans and a T-shirt we would still want to talk to him.
CiLFs (pronounced KILF) are the Cartoons I'd Like to Fuck. And we're talking years of therapy...
He left out She-Ra. How dare he! That tongue thing Zachariah does at the end is almost as sexy as the song, but in all fairness to the man-lovers out there, I've compiled my own personal list of CiLFs: more >>
You ever get the feeling some of these special effects folks have something besides aliens on the brain? Well Maxim Online provides us with slide show proof that not all aliens are created equal. Some look like vagina, others like scrotum, some like penises and anal sphincters and the lucky few have vibrator-heads!
Mitchell Lichtenstein's Teeth is the bizarre horror film of an innocent virgin, Dawn O'Keefe, who discovers she has teeth in her vagina. The plot also includes Dawn's stepbrother making unwanted advances towards her and her active participation in a local chastity group set against the backdrop of burgeoning teenage sexuality with a twist -- oh, and the fact she has to floss her pussy. Ok, I made that last part up, but should she see a gyno or a dentist?
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I read an interesting article on College Humor about comedic writer, Mindy Raf's, experience accidentally farting during a make-out session. She was a deer-in-headlights when it occurred as poor Mindy was only 17 at the time and not experienced when facing such dilemmas. Her date ended up driving her home and not saying a word to her the whole way. She never heard from him again, so to help anyone else faced with a similarly embarrassing predicament, Mindy has written a very funny article that reads like a "how to" for the gassy, That Was Me. Sorry. Keep Going! Don't Stop!.
In case you don't feel like reading through the whole article (and I'm not judging, life is too short), I present some of the highlights:
Make it Emotional
Say “sorry” and then sheepishly avert your eyes. Then make direct eye contact, slightly smile and say, “it’s just that I feel so close to you, so comfortable around you, like I could do anything.”
The 'emotional diversion' is my personal favorite, but it probably won't work on a first date. I suspect the diversion approach may work a little better: more >>
This commercial for the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show features Heidi playing with her luscious breasts for about 30 seconds. But before you get all excited, it's pretty silly. Apparently when the director said, "could you play with your tits for a bit?", she took it literally.
Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving! Yesterday was crazy so I'm sorry for the lack of posts, but I'm back to rock the blog. Err, yeah.
In January 2008, Smell-O-Vision will take on new meaning with the launch of Evasive Angles' scratch n' sniff collection of Sweet Black Pussy Juice that will come with selected black-on-black releases. Now if you think that's strange, here's what Ed Smith, Evasive Angles' head of sales, told AVN:
After several years of development, TT Boy has come up with this idea. Nobody knows the smell of black pussy quite like TT Boy, and this innovation will be designed to heighten our customers’ sense of smell as well. People get to watch the pussy, and now they get to smell the pussy as well.
Okay, it's not that unusual for men to want to sniff pussy. Used 'school girl' underwear get sold in vending machines in Japan and lots of porn stars have offered their worn panties up for sale. But this gets a bit weirder as Smith continues,
After we launch these scratch n' sniff boxes, we’ll actually be packaging 'Sweet Black Pussy Juice' and selling it by the phial. People will be able to take that sweet smell with them. The novelty division is also developing a 'Sweet Black Pussy Juice lubricant.'
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