 Everyone masturbates. Let's start with that. For women, there's a near endless variety of gadgets available to help facilitate the process. For men, however, the best way is still all about the technique. The hand and some lube are the basics to buttering the corn. And yes, this article is chock full of colorful euphemisms for male masturbation, so read on if you dare.
While researching the topic of waxing the dolphin, I came across an interesting article on Co-Ed Magazine regarding the top five ways to buff the banana. To give you a taste, number one - dubbed “ORAL” SIMULATION - reads:
To simulate the feeling of lips sliding over the penis head: Lube up your erection and hold the shaft in one hand. Put your dominant hand’s index and middle fingers together horizontally, palm toward your face, in front of the penis head. Push the head into the gap between the fingers. The fingers should be relaxed, not tense. Now pull back and do this over and over the top third of the penis. Feel how the fingers conform to the penis’s contour as they slide over the head and back. As you do this, position your other hand behind the “lips,” and grip and squeeze the head as you push the penis in.
Though it would be nice to get the real deal, sometimes the real deal is unavailable or on her period. Believe me, I understand you would prefer a nice sloppy, wet blowjob from a pro like Eva Angelina, whilst scantily clad maidens serve you fresh grapes and waft large palm branches as you relax on your own private island of lascivious lushness.
Back to reality, masturbating can be extra fun with a good porno flick or your favorite hardcore image gallery. Men are very visual when it comes to their sexual desires -- so engage all your senses! Instead of looking at the toilet or ceiling, goggle at Gianna's gargantuan gourds while gardening with the golden trowel.
But perhaps you're in the mood for the feel of pussy, and none is to be found. Fleshlights are expensive, and sex dolls are hokey, so why not give the VAGINA technique a try:
Lie down on your side and hold onto your penis with the “Backhand” grip. Roll over further and brace your hand against the bed, and thrust your penis in and out of your hand. This closely mimics the movements of intercourse. It’s a very different feeling to masturbate by moving your pelvis rather than your hand. It’s also fun to put your other hand down and feel your scrotum moving back and forth as you pump in and out of the “vagina.”
Of course if you have a sex partner, to borrow a Don Houston term, why waste perfectly good population pudding? But if you have to tickle the pickle, do it like a champ. For more techniques on spanking Elvis (and a list of euphemisms), check out the links below.
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