 I read an interesting article on College Humor about comedic writer, Mindy Raf's, experience accidentally farting during a make-out session. She was a deer-in-headlights when it occurred as poor Mindy was only 17 at the time and not experienced when facing such dilemmas. Her date ended up driving her home and not saying a word to her the whole way. She never heard from him again, so to help anyone else faced with a similarly embarrassing predicament, Mindy has written a very funny article that reads like a "how to" for the gassy, That Was Me. Sorry. Keep Going! Don't Stop!.
In case you don't feel like reading through the whole article (and I'm not judging, life is too short), I present some of the highlights:
Make it Emotional
Say “sorry” and then sheepishly avert your eyes. Then make direct eye contact, slightly smile and say, “it’s just that I feel so close to you, so comfortable around you, like I could do anything.”
The 'emotional diversion' is my personal favorite, but it probably won't work on a first date. I suspect the diversion approach may work a little better:
Create a Diversion
Scream out in pleasure/moan loudly before and during the fart to mask the sound. (Sometimes a loud sneeze or small coughing fit works during foreplay.)
A split second afterwards, before he has time to realize what happened, scream out “I WANT TO SUCK YOUR COCK!” repeat this loudly until all sounds and smells have ceased.
Mindy Raf cracks me up. But no matter what the diversion is, some guys just don't like to mix their pooh-burps with pussy, while others really get off on it (and if you do, I included a link to a fartastic sex film just for that purpose).
Well, I have my own embarrassing fart story to share. One that I would not tell anyone in person, so consider yourself lucky that the web offers some anonymity. Back when I was dating this guy back in college, I had a tiny dorm room that was in an awesome location. So, typically he would spend the night on the weekends, but two adults on a crappy dorm-room twin bed is excruciatingly uncomfortable. Late one night, we were laying there smooshed up against each other, trying to sleep and I was starting to nod off when I got a little too comfortable. I let loose a mean, trumpeting fart whose sound cut through the silence like a honed knife in its short-lived but deafening existence. Without thinking, I softly called out my partner's name, "Drew?", and to my horror, Drew responded! He was freaking awake and he heard me! He didn't even have the courtesy to pretend to be asleep. NO, he had to reply with a "Yes?" I was completely mortified to the point where I just laid there half the night hoping this was all a bad dream.
But if I had read Mindy's article, I would have known to scream, "YOU MAKE ME RANDY BABY, LET ME SUCK IT!" -- and I bet he wouldn't have even remembered that I farted. Alas, I was also just a teenage deer-in-headlights.
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